The unthinkable happened to me just last weekend. My friend, “Sunny”― yes, the name has been changed to protect the guilty― dumped me. Only a few months ago, I was her best friend. We had the type of friendship where we would talk on the phone for hours while each of us got our housework accomplished; we talked about almost everything. When any of her pets died, I cried with her. When I had questions that I knew she had the answers to, she helped me with her wealth of knowledge. When she wanted to know about biblical issues, she called me; she said she loved talking to me and that I helped her. We went out to eat about once a month and split the bill and dessert. She helped me, I helped her. We had a great female friendship.
She was also a person to whom all kinds of strange stuff happened, and she would share her weird experiences with me, trying to make sense of it all. At first, the frequent drama was interesting, but then after months, even a few years of this, her numerous negative experiences started to tire me. After all, no one else I knew had such frequent and unusual drama going on.
Then, over the last few weeks, the phone calls became less frequent. When I questioned her, she said that my phone didn’t work when she called me, and I believed her. But in thinking back, no one else seemed to have problems calling me.
Then I noticed that a bitter, angry, discontented, suspicious, and even nasty edge had crept into her conversation, and I started to dread talking to her. Swear words started to be included in her vocabulary, making me cringe. She told me how she would lie to people, and it made me feel dirty. She started to hate our mutual acquaintances, but they were only kind to me, and I told her so.
Whenever something good happened to her, it would soon turned ugly. Her great, new jobs would quickly become unbearable for one reason or another, the new, kind neighbor was now out to get her, and her once best friends became overbearing and nosy. Even her favorite veterinarian fell out of her favor. I never met anyone who had such bad luck!
Soon, she stopped asking about my welfare. Whenever I had some good news to share, her enthusiasm sounded forced, not genuine. Maybe this was because, according to her, nothing good ever seemed to happen in her life. Last Saturday it was over. I called her and left a message, but she has not returned my call. During the time we were friends, she dumped some of her other friends. She said that they were just too nosy, nasty, greedy, and so on. I guess I am now on her “toxic list,” too.
Having my friend dump me is a loss. Rejection hurts. However, things could be worse. I know other women who were dumped by their friends. Here are some tips on how to handle things when your friend dumps you.
- Check to see if you did something wrong. If you did, be quick to apologize. If there is nothing you can think of that you did wrong, then you have nothing to apologize about. The wrong is on her.
- Talk to someone. You need to sort things out in your mind as to what happened, how you feel, etc. I vented to my husband. Now, he is truly my best friend. I wanted his male insights. He was disappointed in her actions since he thought better of her.
- Pray for yourself. You just had a loss. You are hurting. You need God to heal your heart and make sense of it all. I prayed that God would keep Sunny out of my life, at least for a while. After I realized that she was toxic to me, and I really needed some space for my own sanity’s sake, I felt relief.
- Pray for your friend. When she dumped you, she hurt herself, because, though she may or may not realize it, she lost a friend, too. I make it a habit to pray for my friends. Even though my friend dumped me, and because she is so bitter, she really needs God’s help more than ever.
- Reach out to other friends. I really miss our once-a-month dining routine, so I called another friend and asked her to put me on her calendar to go out in the near future.
- Make a game plan. Someday she will call me or I will run into her. So I planned on what I would say if that should happen. I intend to be kind, polite, and honest, and tell her that I did not appreciate her dumping me. I hope she will realize that I have moved on to better female friendships.
Every friendship is a different and unique relationship. One cannot replace a friendship that was lost. My friend taught me a valuable lesson. Friendships are like clothes, sometimes you have to go through your closet of friends and get rid of the ones that don’t fit, are worn out, or are not your favorites anymore. I miss the friendship I had with Sunny, but I now see that it was like a favorite pair of pants that was ripped and torn― it had to go. Sunny dumped me, but perhaps I should have removed her from my closet months ago.